…long as I know how to love I know I’ll be alive.
That’s sort of how I feel at the moment. I started my job with The Bridge last Monday and things are going alright. I can’t say they’re great because I’m still trying to find my place here and get a grasp of what my job entails. It’s my first job out of college and it’s not entirely what I though it would be…I’m not sure what I was expecting, but it’s not this. But that doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. I can tell you right now that I’m going to learn a whole awful lot in the next year and a half. I’ve gotta get my feet under me and then I can stand…but it’s only my second week on the job, so I’ll get there soon.
We moved to a new office while I was in New Orleans so when I came back, I didn’t even know where my desk was…that felt a little weird. We were two weeks into summer by the time I returned so we had seven new summer team members in the office. I walked into our first meeting having no clue what they were talking about. After volunteering here for a year and a half, it felt like a completely new organization and that was a bit uncomfortable considering it felt like this was going to be a relatively easy transition from my internship last semester to my new job as administrative assistant.
I’ve struggled this week to develop a schedule for myself. in the morning, at work, and then when I get home. Every morning last summer, I sat on the front porch, did devos, read a book, journaled, or wrote letters. It was glorious. I ate breakfast or drank my coffee out there and had plenty of time to prepare myself for the day. I haven’t quite gotten into that habit yet. I don’t have the time like I did last summer. At lunch, I’ve been walking to the nearest park by the lake to eat and read/journal. That’s definitely going to continue. And then I get home…and am mentally exhausted. Last week, I sat there for a good hour. I just sat there and tried to regroup. People exhaust me and I need to find a decent outlet to introvert and get back to society.
Cooking for myself has been alright. I don’t have the whole meal plan, grocery list thing down quite yet. I tried one night and didn’t get very far. So, I’ll start again on it. Until then, it’s quick and simple food that I already know how to make. If you have any easy recipe suggestions, please pass them on, I’ll take anything! Also, I have a greater appreciation for my mother after last week. The absolute last thing I wanted to do when I got home was to start cooking…but alas, a girl needs to eat, so I suffered through and made myself dinner. Mom, thanks for doing that for the last 22 years of my life without much gratitude…I thoroughly appreciated it and miss your cooking.
I’ve been journaling about my new job. If I never look at it again, that’s okay, but it helps me process things and I honestly think it’ll be good to look back on someday to remember what my first job and experience with life on my own was like. If nothing, else, I can laugh at myself for the struggles and little things that will seem so normal a few years down the road.
- I’ve had consistent headaches the last couple weeks and I’d love for my brain to get it’s crap together and settle down because it’s hard to work when your head is pounding.
- I’m a bit nervous about being a grownup and sticking to a budget…oh, and student loans are looming in the near future so there’s that.
- Forrest (my car) is making strange noises so I don’t know what that’s about…but he still makes it from point A to B and back so that’s a plus. Pray that he just feels like running for awhile longer.
- Patience and grace. I’m not big on loud noises and small children usually produce those. So pray for that this summer as I help with them twice a week.
I think that’s all I have to say ’bout that. These all seem like first job struggles most college graduates have so I’m not worried about them. I’ve just got to get used to life on my own. It’s different than living with my best friends and going to classes everyday. That’s okay. It’s a growth edge for me and that’s something I need right now.