It was a struggle to sit through church today. I couldn’t focus because my head was too full of thoughts. heavy thoughts that wouldn’t let me concentrate. So I journaled and sort of half-listened to the sermon. By the time I got my thoughts down on paper, I refocused and you know what my pastor was saying? things about truth, grace, and doubt. things I had just written about. things I needed to hear.
A man named Saint Anselm, the Archbishop of Canterbury said the christian life can be summarized in three words, “faith seeking understanding.” You know what goes through my head when I read that? “It’s okay, Hannah.” a deep sigh of relief. a half smile. and a hug.
Thank God there is grace. There is freedom in knowing I’m broken but so is the person next to me. freedom in knowing the process matters and I don’t have to have my life together. freedom in knowing the struggle is part of faith and life and that God can be glorified through it. that his grace is made perfect in my weakness. that he uses our stories to magnify his name.
Now, that’s all good and well to say but I don’t think I connect this head knowledge I have to my heart. to move from thinking and saying to believing and accepting. God’s working on me though. There’s no way I’d be writing this blog if he wasn’t. There’s no way I’d care about Nepal or Human Trafficking if God didn’t redeem parts of my story to proclaim his name and heart and purpose. He’s been working on my heart a lot this past year to grow and learn from it. to understand bits of purpose and providence. to see and experience his grace as I accept where I’ve been and move forward.
This is my dream. for myself but mostly for ladies who have been exploited. I want to feel free and confident enough with my story to share it with others. to be broken together. to help them experience grace and God’s redemptive love. to pave the path of understanding toward a better life. to encourage and love well when there are hard days. to learn and grow. to understand and accept the value, gifts, love and peace God has offered. to move forward together, in spite of the past. to feel free.
In an interview with All Access Music, Ellie talks about her album, As Sure as the Sun. She mentions one of my favorite books which does a fabulous job of illustrating the gospel in a really beautiful way. I’d encourage you to check out the Wingfeather Saga.
Without giving anything away, in the second book there’s this scene where all of these secrets, all of these things he’s ashamed of, are exposed in front of the people he loved the most. And I will never forget the line that Andrew wrote after this pretty intense scene happened. He says, “Podo moved about his days with wonder and peace.” Because he found that his whole story had been told for the first time and yet he was still loved.