chivalry and the power of a partnership

I posted a note on Facebook a couple nights ago and got quite the response so I figured I’d elaborate a bit more.  Here’s the original note.

“My dear females,
Please don’t try to plan out every single thing in your relationship with your man. Seriously, let the poor guy use his God-given creativity to do something special for you. goodness gracious. Obviously he cares about you so let him show you in his own way…not based on some reproduced gimmick from your wedding board on Pinterest that you not so subtlety dropped hints for. When you ask him to do these things, you’re discrediting him and no one likes that. I can almost guarantee that anything he comes up with on his own will be so much more special and meaningful than your grenade of gift/proposal ideas are. Let him figure it out for himself. I’m begging you, let him make decisions. Let him take the lead and treat you well, instead of you leading him around like a puppy. If he’s just that lazy and indifferent about everything, then drop him like a bad habit. Don’t waste your life on someone who doesn’t care. Ain’t nobody got time fo dat! 

Sincerely, 
A lady who still believes in chivalry and the power of a partnership”

Based on the response, people seem to agree with me…yet it still happens all the freaking time!  It makes me sad.  Pinterest has infiltrated our lives slowly but powerfully over the last two years.  It seems like an everyday topic of discussion anymore.

Just about every non-married girl on Pinterest has a wedding board and pins about her fantasy relationship.  Most of them include something about an over the top proposal.  “OMG, my boyfriend better do this for me.  That would be like, the best thing ever!”  No.  Stop.  A big elaborate song and dance number may not be your man’s thing.  Deal with it.  If he loves you, he’ll show you in his own way.  He doesn’t want you to pick out the gown, colors, songs and rings before the second date.  Seriously.  I’m surprised you haven’t scared him away by now!  Give the guy a chance to show how much he cares about you in his own special way.

Recently, I was a part of a surprise birthday party with a crazy cool gift the guy spent months planning.  After it was revealed, “did you get this from Pinterest?” left his girlfriend’s lips and broke my heart.  It’s a common phrase these days, but it saddens me to think that we have lost all hope in our God-given creativity.  He created the world…we are made in his image…we are creative beings.  Please don’t lose sight of that.

We grow up and are told we are special and unique people.  God created you to be your own person…so why are you trying to be this unrealistic stranger from the internet.  I don’t think using Pinterest to gain some ideas is a bad thing.  But make them your own in some way.  Don’t just consume and regurgitate what you see on there.  Bring in your own personality.  Be creative.  Use your imagination.  Give some input.

OK, now the other part of my rant…A relationship is a partnership.  It is not, nor ever should be a dictatorship.  God says the man is supposed to lead his lady, but that doesn’t mean the gal is any less than the guy.  And it doesn’t mean the guy has free reign.  Men are called to love their wives as Christ loved the church.  As far as I can tell, that’s going to be a mutually beneficial love that’s not meant to harm, because Christ never did anything to hurt us.

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I’m sad to say, but women have decided the men aren’t doing their job well enough so they needed to step up.  No.  That’s stupid.  Women don’t let the men do their God-ordained job.  We push them away and it’s wrong.  Don’t complain that chivalry is dead if you’re the one killing it!  Let the guy open the door for you, accept his compliments, let him plan the dates.  I’m not saying he has to do it every time, but for goodness sakes, give the man some freedom to choose and care for you in his own way…not your way, or your over controlling mother, or Pinterest, or freaking Nicholas Sparks novels.  In. his. own. way.  It’s going to be more special and meaningful to both of you.  You will be thankful and see how much he cares because he will be able to express his feelings toward you in a demonstrative way.

You may think you’re doing guys a favor by taking the lead and planning.  Let me tell you a secret…you’re not.  It’s frustrating.  They don’t like it.  That is their job and it’s never fun to be told you can’t do something.  Directly or indirectly.  You may not see it that way, but if you take matters into your own hands, you’re essentially saying that they aren’t good enough to plan for you, to take care of you.  They don’t match your standards.  It hurts them, whether they come right out and say it or not.

Think about it.  If they planned your whole wedding by telling you what was going to happen instead of asking for input and doing it together, you would be upset.  You may not think your man cares about stuff like this, but I can almost guarantee that he does.  A partnership is always better than a dictatorship.  A mutual agreement is more accepted than a one-sided decision.  It takes two to tango.  Don’t fight it.  Let your man lead and you’ll get that mirror ball trophy.

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2 thoughts on “chivalry and the power of a partnership

  1. This. I like this. I appreciate it, and support it. The levels of crap I’ve been given when I say that feminism killed chivalry… Astounding. Now, my question is, where are these women who supposedly believe the same way as this post? I’ve met so few I think they’re going extinct.

  2. Pingback: Mr. Mom meets Rosie the Riveter | the fabric of my life.

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