I don’t even know where to start. This picture sums up how I feel right now. Some of the changes will be pleasant, others…not so much. I’m not really sure what this year will look like quite yet and that scares me like none other. I like to have structure in my life. I like to have a plan and right now, I feel like I can’t even see thirty feet in front of me…like a rhino…like a crash of rhinos.
If you would have asked me how I felt about college last November, I would have let you know without hesitation that I hated it at Northwest…that I was less than thrilled to come back after Thanksgiving. Yeah, there were some good things here or there, but for the most part, I was miserable and it was pretty clear to people. December was a little better, but still rough at times. Christmas break rolled around and things changed for me. The rest of my school year went well. I became more connected in a small group, discipleship group and in my campus ministry, the Christian Campus House. I met more people, enjoyed myself and realized that God had placed me at Northwest for a reason.
And with that being said, I think I’m looking forward to this year. I had fun at school. I made some great friends. I got connected in a great ministry that I love. I’ve grown in my relationship with the Lord. And so, yeah, I’m looking forward to this year, but there are a lot of things that I just don’t know about yet. What to expect. What to feel. What to do. What to think about things. I’m not a huge fan of unknowns and I just have to trust that God knows what He’s doing and He’ll take care of me.
This year is going to be significantly different than last year. I am entering my sophomore year in college, but credit-wise, it’s my junior year which scares me to death. I am not ready to student teach next year. I’m not ready for a real job. I’m not ready to have that much responsibility. I don’t even know if I still want to teach full time.
Obviously I’m not a scared, clueless freshman anymore. I can’t walk around the first week of school and have a bunch of strangers come up and talk to me, offer me free stuff and list off activities that I should come to. No. I can’t do that at all. The roles are reversed this year which kind of freaks me out. As a part of the leadership team for the Campus house, this is now my job. Especially this year as we have a more prominent role in the ministry. I get to walk up to freshman and introduce myself and our ministry. I have to step out of my comfort zone and feel awkward and weird for a few nights this week and for what? To build relationships with these people. Especially the freshmen. That is one of CCH’s main goals. Without building these relationships, our campus ministry means nothing. We can’t share the gospel because we haven’t earned that right. If we show these people that we actually care about them, then maybe, they will give us a chance to love on them in the best way possible…by sharing Jesus with them.
The action starts tonight with a block party. And then continues throughout the week with ice cream, BBQs, a massive water balloon fight and a tailgate party. This week will be stressful and busy beyond belief, but so worth it.
We appreciate prayers. We are doing this for God’s glory. To further the kingdom. I get that hosting a water balloon fight may not be the most spiritual thing you’ve ever heard of, but I promise we have a reason for doing it. We are trying to reach out to our campus. To be missional. To be the light in the darkness of this world…we just have to find creative ways to do that sometimes.
I guess I would just ask that you pray for us this week. Pray for the prep work on the Welcome Week activities. Pray for me as I start classes tomorrow. Pray for the leadership of CCH. Pray for boldness and courage to talk to these new people. Pray for me to find the balance between school, serving at CCH, relationships, rest, and God. Pray that I can trust God with whatever I’m going through. Thank you.